I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
