I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
