my phone needs a breathalizer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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