My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
