Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
