I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
