Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
