u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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