Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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