My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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