1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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