God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
