How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
