Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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