you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
