Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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