I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am one with the molecules
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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