he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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