lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i came on her dog
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
