actually, I'm a sock model
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
