I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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