I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
