Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
