Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
