i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
