I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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