You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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