sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I could fuck to npr.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
