I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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