I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
