I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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