I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
