and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
