he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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