Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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