Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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