She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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