She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
