The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize