Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
