So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
