i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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