I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
