Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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