There was a lot of him and a little penis
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
this hospital has no fireball
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
