dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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