just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
