You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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