connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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