Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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