Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
