Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
