I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
foreskin is a definite game changer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
