I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
