dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
