i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
