Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
