she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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