I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
