and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
