I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
