Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
