And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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