I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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