i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
