Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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