don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
