I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
