Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
