I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize